Journal Feb 1986

" I'm so tense lately. I don't know how much longer I can handle this pressure. Mostly financial. Why don't people pay us on time? It seems like we're in a constant state of crisis - trying to keep our bank account from bouncing, trying to figure out who to pay, and what to tell the rest of them. We're paying lots of bank charges and it seems we owe everybody. But then, everybody else owes us. I worry over it constantly. So many decisions, so much to keep track of. When I took over the office a year ago I didn't know that it would drain me so much emotionally. I know I've been a lot of help. Mark doesn't have time to do what I do. But the burden is getting too heavy.

Then I was asked to be a counselor in the Primary. I've only been Homemaking Leader since last summer and I was really enjoying it. I really don't want to be in Primary but I told them whatever the Bishopric felt was right would be what I would accept. So now I've got to try to feel good about this change. I was really getting to love Relief Society. I have a lot of concerns about this. I didn't want to work in an organization that Mark was directly responsible for. We didn't both want to be in leadership positions again at the same time. I'm worried because Mark can't support me at all on Sunday. The baby is hard to handle. But,...we've set some priorities and we're sticking with them We are not going to be out at meetings at the same time. When we are both supposed to be at the same meeting, one of us will stay home. We are going to provide our kids with a stable home life - a parent that puts them to bed every night, with talking, and stories and hugs and whatever else is needed. Family should come first and we're going to stick by that as best we can."